Holiday Weight Loss

Ahh the holidays. Full of family, love, gifts, and the best food you will have all year. I love food especially the holiday comfort food this time of year is known for. Being from an Italian family we eat lots of pasta, cheese, and wine. While delicious, these foods aren't the best for people who are trying to lose weight or at the very least watch their caloric intake. Which is why every year during this time I don't even bother. Hey, I enjoy this time of year for the food why should I stress myself out worrying about it? Truth be told its only for about 6 weeks, how much damage can be done in 6 weeks?

This year is different as per my doctor -_-

I went to my liver specialist the Wednesday before thanksgiving and was told, in a nut shell, I am doing great. No worries. I had a fantastic Thanksgiving full of delicious food, wine, and family. Being ever thankful for the doctor's news.

Then the call came.

My doctor wanted me to "get a second opinion". What? Since when does a DOCTOR tell you to get a second opinion. I took his advice and saw a doctor from Mt. Sinai hospital in Manhattan. She is one of the best doctor's in the field so I feel like I can trust her (enough). She tells me the other doctor is wrong. I am actually very sick and to being medication immediately. One is a steroid, prednisone. Now, anyone who has taken prednisone will tell you it can be a bitch. I have taken it once before when I was first ill many years ago and I remember the energy (nice) and the constant hunger (not so nice). I am already always hungry as I truly love to eat and now you're telling me we are about to make this worse? Around the holidays?!? Oh and the best part is....

I will see her in 1 month and I need to LOSE 5 pounds.

What an equation this has become. Holidays + Curvy Girl + Prednisone + Italian Family - Alcohol = -5 LBS

ha yeah right.

While I do love to indulge if a healthcare professional who I trust tells me to do something I am going to do it. I'm not about to kill myself here. So far I lost a pound (yay) but gained it back over this weekend (boo).

I will call this a success if I manage not to gain any weight over the course of this holiday. The season is almost over. Let's see if I can do this.

On a side note, she put the kibosh on the lapband so if I do lose any weight. Scratch that. When I do lose weight it will be all me. No medical interventions.

Happy Sober Holidays!

Blessed

This past week has been one of the most emotional and stressful weeks I have had in a long time.

Last Sunday hurricane Sandy made its way up the East Coast and delivered destruction New York and New Jersey have never before seen. I, like many others, assumed the news weather teams were blowing smoke to boost ratings. As the storm approached I began to quickly realize this storm was not a joke. I went to the grocery store for a few last minute items, got all of my candles together along with flashlights and an emergency bag. My husband left for a few hours to check on his grandfather and frankly I was petrified. People, my friends, were being evacuated from parts of Brooklyn, Queens, and the south shore of Long Island. People in my town. Where were these people supposed to go? How scary it must be to leave your homes not knowing if it would be there when you return. The wind whipped trees back and forth violently and whistled like I had every window open in my apartment. I went to bed on Sunday waiting for the worst to start. Sunday turned into Monday and then into Tuesday. I emerged with my husband from our apartment on Tuesday afternoon to access the damage. Our power went out as well as cell phone coverage so we had no idea what was going on outside beyond our window. We immediately saw downed trees and power lines. Not too alarming considering Long Island usually gets at least 1 bad storm a year that is good for causing some minor destruction. We ventured to my mother's house where she had power and a television.

Entire parts of this island are gone. Out to sea. The images of the Seaside Heights and Coney Island are absolutely devastating. 7 people I work with lost everything. Everything. A coworker came to work without a bra because all she had were the clothes on her back. Another coworker is 9 months pregnant and lost her home and its contents right after her baby shower last Saturday. My sister's mother in law lost her entire first floor and everything in it. All of her family photos, furniture, clothes... all gone.

Not having gas for my car sucks. Not having electricity in my home sucks too. I feel so blessed. Blessed that my family is safe. Blessed that I didn't lose anyone or anything. People complain the crews aren't moving fast enough to restore their power. I can't bring myself to complain about any of it. This tragedy is so much bigger than me and my seemingly trivial stresses.

New Yorkers are a strong breed. Its hard to break us. We will recover and we will be stronger. 

Tomorrow I am going to help with the clean up at my sister's mother-in-law's home. My office has started a collection of clothes, batteries, blankets, toiletries, ect. for our work family members who have lost everything. We can all help in a small way and it will make a big difference. As cliche as that sounds I can actually understand what it means now.

I'm not sure anyone reads this. If not, its all just for me. But if anyone is out there do what you can for any person in need. While donating money is always great I do feel that physically helping someone is even better. A warm blanket or hot shower can bring a bright spot to a very dismal day.

Waiting On A Doctor.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis. Basically, one day for an unknown reason my immune system decided that my liver was foreign and decided to attack it. My doctor had no idea why it happened just that it did and I needed to go on medication. About a year ago I was taken off medication as the situation was under control and I was told that patients can go up to 2 years without medications then go back on.

My lap band doctor asked me to get a medical clearance from my liver doctor. I went to him first so if he told me I couldn't do it then I wouldn't waste my time. He approved and said I did need to lose weight. He followed up with some bad news. I needed a liver biopsy as my liver enzymes levels are going back up. Which leads to a medication I dread. Despise. Fear.

Prednisone.

A steroid that while it gives you loads of energy makes you ravenously hungry. I already have a hearty appetite and now I need to take a steroid that's going to make me more hungry?!? Not to mention the "moon face" side effect. My face will bloat out and misshapen.  It's happened before and will happen again. Great just what I need. My already pump rosy cheeks are going to plump some more. I am not looking forward to it. My poor husband and family will have to deal with my overzealous attitude and appetite.

Oh Boy.

I had the biopsy and took an emergency day off from work. I have been waiting for a response from my doctor for over a week now. Waiting waiting... I am so over waiting on these doctor's for responses.

Has anyone else ever been on prednisone? Anyone else sick and tired of waiting on these doctors?

New words.

I have always been overweight. Varying degrees but overweight nonetheless. I've been on a diet since the tender age of 13. It all started prom dress shopping for my 8th grade prom. The 16 year old sales girl clicked her gum and asked for my jean size. I told her a 6 and we processed to choose dresses all of which were unflattering for my new womanly shape. A shape which the summer prior turned from adolescent to hourglass. I cried in the dressing room as dress after dress wouldnt come past my hips, zip in the back, or showed my small rounded stomach. My mother, a size 0 her entire life, couldn't console me. I'm sure she tried though I don't remember. What I do remember when the crying did stop was a new word entering my vocabulary. 

Diet.

"I don't know how to DIET!" I exclaimed between sobs. My father told me he is now in charge of everything I eat. A "diet" which consisted of 1,000 calories and 2 hours of treadmill a day. That marked the beginning of my so-called "dieting"; lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain more than lost...over and over again... 

Which leads me to today. I am 90 lbs overweight. Married for 6 months to a man that "loves me no matter what I look like". I know I am beautiful but I do need to get healthy. I need to think about my future and my future children. After trying just about every diet under the sun from atkins to calorie restriction to jenny craig nothing seems to work. I can't manage to keep the weight off and its very much negatively affecting my health. This leads me to my latest adventure and life change-

Lap Band Surgery.

3 weeks ago I had my very first surgical consult with Dr. Holover a Bariatric Surgeon. I must get clearances from my gastroenterologist (upper endoscopy), cardiologist, pulmonologist, nutritionist, endocrinologist, psychologist, and undergo an at home sleep apnea study. Not to mention I need to attent at least one of Dr. Holover's weight loss support groups. "Hi my name is Jessica and I'm an over eater." -- "Hi Jessica.."

I am going to document my journey for anyone who wishes to follow. I am doing this for me and my health. If I was told that I could weight exactly what I do now and be healthy for the rest of my very long life I wouldn't change a thing. The truth is, I already have medical issues which are being exacerbated by my weight loss and gains. Only one rule...

Positive Space.

I may get down on  myself from time to time but this is a positive space. A place of encouragement. I hope people can learn from me and we can all be here for each other on all of life's journeys.

Lame.

Yeah I'm lame. Whatever. =)