Waiting On A Doctor.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis. Basically, one day for an unknown reason my immune system decided that my liver was foreign and decided to attack it. My doctor had no idea why it happened just that it did and I needed to go on medication. About a year ago I was taken off medication as the situation was under control and I was told that patients can go up to 2 years without medications then go back on.

My lap band doctor asked me to get a medical clearance from my liver doctor. I went to him first so if he told me I couldn't do it then I wouldn't waste my time. He approved and said I did need to lose weight. He followed up with some bad news. I needed a liver biopsy as my liver enzymes levels are going back up. Which leads to a medication I dread. Despise. Fear.

Prednisone.

A steroid that while it gives you loads of energy makes you ravenously hungry. I already have a hearty appetite and now I need to take a steroid that's going to make me more hungry?!? Not to mention the "moon face" side effect. My face will bloat out and misshapen.  It's happened before and will happen again. Great just what I need. My already pump rosy cheeks are going to plump some more. I am not looking forward to it. My poor husband and family will have to deal with my overzealous attitude and appetite.

Oh Boy.

I had the biopsy and took an emergency day off from work. I have been waiting for a response from my doctor for over a week now. Waiting waiting... I am so over waiting on these doctor's for responses.

Has anyone else ever been on prednisone? Anyone else sick and tired of waiting on these doctors?

New words.

I have always been overweight. Varying degrees but overweight nonetheless. I've been on a diet since the tender age of 13. It all started prom dress shopping for my 8th grade prom. The 16 year old sales girl clicked her gum and asked for my jean size. I told her a 6 and we processed to choose dresses all of which were unflattering for my new womanly shape. A shape which the summer prior turned from adolescent to hourglass. I cried in the dressing room as dress after dress wouldnt come past my hips, zip in the back, or showed my small rounded stomach. My mother, a size 0 her entire life, couldn't console me. I'm sure she tried though I don't remember. What I do remember when the crying did stop was a new word entering my vocabulary. 

Diet.

"I don't know how to DIET!" I exclaimed between sobs. My father told me he is now in charge of everything I eat. A "diet" which consisted of 1,000 calories and 2 hours of treadmill a day. That marked the beginning of my so-called "dieting"; lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain more than lost...over and over again... 

Which leads me to today. I am 90 lbs overweight. Married for 6 months to a man that "loves me no matter what I look like". I know I am beautiful but I do need to get healthy. I need to think about my future and my future children. After trying just about every diet under the sun from atkins to calorie restriction to jenny craig nothing seems to work. I can't manage to keep the weight off and its very much negatively affecting my health. This leads me to my latest adventure and life change-

Lap Band Surgery.

3 weeks ago I had my very first surgical consult with Dr. Holover a Bariatric Surgeon. I must get clearances from my gastroenterologist (upper endoscopy), cardiologist, pulmonologist, nutritionist, endocrinologist, psychologist, and undergo an at home sleep apnea study. Not to mention I need to attent at least one of Dr. Holover's weight loss support groups. "Hi my name is Jessica and I'm an over eater." -- "Hi Jessica.."

I am going to document my journey for anyone who wishes to follow. I am doing this for me and my health. If I was told that I could weight exactly what I do now and be healthy for the rest of my very long life I wouldn't change a thing. The truth is, I already have medical issues which are being exacerbated by my weight loss and gains. Only one rule...

Positive Space.

I may get down on  myself from time to time but this is a positive space. A place of encouragement. I hope people can learn from me and we can all be here for each other on all of life's journeys.

Lame.

Yeah I'm lame. Whatever. =)